Sunday, 4 October 2015

Angelic Aproko's Diaries: (Kamal the Chief Mixology Officer- CMO)

Chei ! Chei !!! Chei !!!, wetin eye no go see for dis life wey we dey so?...
Na je je I bin dey so, wey I decide to waka go church before some people use style label me DEVIL PIKIN. I enter inside my suit go the nearest church wey get plenty mansions to look at, becos as bible don talk am so, "In my father's house, there are plenty mansions dia?" No ask me where dat one dey oh, na pastor wey dey disturb us for early momo dey talk dat one oh.
After praise and worship, the part wey I enjoy pass as per say I dey check and balance various topography for choir dia.
Anyways make tori for no lost like meati nside soup, time for TESTIMONY reach oh! Everybody dey waka come drop tori for pulpit after dem finish, person for congregation go just shout "Praise da Lord" we sef go just answer "Halleluyah oh! ". Next thing wey I see na Kamoru, that jobless graduate wey sabi speak grammar enter stage with coat collect mic oh!
"Somebody praise! praise!! praise !!! da lord!!!" We sef join repete with am " Ha! Ha!! Halleluyah!!!". As per sharp guy wey me I be oh, I shine ears wan follow hear tori.
" Brethen! My name is Kamar Sebanjo, I just landed a job as a CMO of an international Hospitality concern around Lekki with a mouth watering pay". As interpreter wan talk hin look kamoru well well, na hin Kamoru rearrange himself explain, " Oh Sorry! My CMO means Chief Mixology Officer". Interpreter still no sabi wetin Kamoru dey talk hin just bang am for microphone say.."Ogbeni yi is ri ise Shey-e-Mo in ile ise itura kan e fi yin foluwa"
As bros finish dey waka na hin pastor collect mic follow join ginger as congregration dey clap, Kamoru no really go hin seat, hin waka towards toilet side na hin as sharp guy, me sef stand up go block am for dia.
As hin water toilet finish na hin I block am, " Kamoru! Which time you do naming turn yoursef to kamal wey u drop for pulpit abi u sef don dey get stage name like musician?"
Hin just look me dey laff, hin tok say na packaging, I scratch head small, follow gree say it dey happen, as per say maybe because hin wan become landlord for one of the many Mansion wey dey Baba Godey House.
Ok na if dat one don go, "Wetin kon be Mixologist, for the matter again nah?" The Kamoru wey I sabi na only iya tawa place hin sabi show skills oh, so wetin hin waka go Lekki go turn professional for?
Na hin small lecture start oh! Kamal talk say hin change name to Kamoru because hin gats use tush name if hin wan make dey take am with respect for Lekki. Hin call am say na PACKAGING.
Hin join hin tori say hin use Big name style hype himself (ADVERTISING STRATEGY), say na Iya tawa side hin for learn work, but na Botany hin read for school. Say na Iya tawa teach am how to mix the necessary chemical to produce better blends. Say hin carry those skills go the Hotel for Lekki say hin na Mixologist.
Hin explain say, hin gats show them small skills with the expensive chemicals . He said he MASTERED THE ART OF SHOWMANSHIP, he had but a few minutes to prove to the management say hin sabi the skills wey dey needed for the job wella. He had to use all the techniques hin sabi without looking like he was trying too hard.
When dem ask am questions about the technicalities of some of those chemicals as per Botany graduate, hin don understand the chemical composition and names wey hin suppose know. Hin tok say RESEARCH and EXPERTISE is key to land that big client or job.
When dey kon dey talk anyhow, wan rubbish am unto the big price wey hin dey call, hin with style with style threaten them with information wey hin get about the company's competitors and company business and how hin fit affect them positively and negatively. Hin call am KNOW YOUR COMPETITORS AND USE THIR STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES TO YOUR ADVANTAGES.
Hin tok say na so hin land big job from joblessness oh. I just open mouth dey look the bros as hin dey throw wey they talk like micheal jackson wey dey dance.
As hin waka comot na hin me sef follow drop small water for toilet. Kamar kon turn back talk say, make me and all men meet for Iya tawa place, hin get some expensive chemicals wey hin wan mix and hin wan use all our throats do testubes.
Oga boss wey dey use one eye look me so, kai... Carry ur mind comot dia. I be God pikin oh.
Ehn ehn, bifor I forget oh, me I don package oh, I no be jobless area gossip oh, me I don package.. I be Executive Social Commentator...Gbam!!!
I sha waka go back inside church go finish service oh.
Ma people na so we see am oh.
Na me again,
Angelic Aproko
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless handheld from Glo Mobile.